I had a vision of what being a matchmaker would be like: I’d be the girl about town, bulging little black book in hand, matchmaking London’s singletons who would fall head over heels with the first person I matched them with. The truth is, finding true love is not that straightforward.
What people say they want in a partner usually turns out to be quite different to who they disappear off into the sunset with.
Clients won’t meet a great match because they don’t like the shoes they’re wearing in a photo, or guys let down a woman after a date by saying they’re not looking for a serious relationship, yet they’re paying us £5,000 for five matches.
Clients often share a long ‘must have’ list – most have a very narrow age range and many women say they want a man who is 6’0 or over. Given the average height of a British man is 5’8 you’ve just shrank your large dating pool to a paddling pool in one statement.
I cottoned on that to make successful lasting matches, my job is to tactfully challenge ‘the list’ to get to the heart of what’s really important to them. I frequently find myself asking: ‘Do you really want the search for your life partner and potential father of your kids to be based around height?’
Not every match I make results in a relationship. I once made a match I was so confident about I could practically see them walking down the aisle. They ticked all the boxes each of them was looking for, had the same outlook and views on life and shared a love for the same extreme sport.
They had a great date but both uttered the words a matchmaker dreads ‘There was no chemistry’. I get it: we want to come away from a date absolutely buzzing high on adrenaline and excitement but many couples who go the distance didn’t feel that rush.
I remember gently persuading one client she should go on a third date with a man whose company she enjoyed but wasn’t that excited about. Several years on they’re still madly in love!
She had been waiting for that instant feeling of ‘this is the one’ – but once she let the relationship develop at its own pace without the pressure, she fell in love.
We want everything now, but love rarely works like that. The initial rush is usually lust. You need to get to know someone to really fall for them.
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